


Equilibrium

by Razer_Athane



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Angst, Companion Oneshot, FF7R, FF7R spoiler, Other, reflective, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razer_Athane/pseuds/Razer_Athane
Summary: The iron mask of the Turks, slipping away. All that emotion for nothing.So he closed his eyes and decided that he would try again.-Companion oneshots to "Libra"-
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. FF7R SPOILER AHEAD.
> 
> This is designed to be a ‘what if’ companion oneshot to “Libra” (roughly between chapter 8 and 9). It was my old, Reno-centric, kinda-AU multichap fic on fanfiction.net – a world where Sephiroth won and the survivors of AVALANCHE are trying to fight back. Given what FF7R has done, I wanted to explore how that Reno would’ve reacted. Enjoy (and if you like it, check out “Libra” on fanfiction.net, and let me know what you think)!
> 
> **Link to["Libra"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8721933/1/Libra)**

**EQUILIBRIUM**

* * *

_Target Status: Alive._

He remembered reporting in with Rude, unable to locate and retrieve the runaway SOLDIER; the distress on Cissnei’s face when she too could not find him. He remembered the silence washing over him, Rude, and Cissnei in the briefing room, like the waves off Costa del Sol; the planting of guilt in his rotten heart, like a simple seed.

To this day, Reno remembered Tseng’s flat voice, “The target is dead.”

He remembered Rude swear under his breath. He remembered Cissnei’s tears and her fists trembling like an earthquake. He wasn’t good at comfort, but he tried to offer a sympathetic smile, but it probably came across more as a weak grimace. He remembered Tseng gazing at eighty-eight sealed letters on his desk, and the brisk dismissal afterward.

The iron mask of the Turks, slipping away.

All that emotion for nothing.

_Target Status: Alive._

The time spent trying to find him, to spare him his execution, only for Zack to become the executioner. The time, the energy, the effort and the… the _concern_ to make sure he was spared his fate. For nothing, for no one. Wasted.

His brain scrambled, _Then where the actual fuck are you?_

The backlit screen of his phone stared up at him as if it committed treason. Gongaga swam in his mind, echoing Loz’s words, an unspoken promise of destruction – and with it, Zack’s family. The phones his parents gave AVALANCHE and himself were all that remained now.

So he hacked into Shinra’s databases, to confirm his suspicions.

It was dangerous letting him go – it was dangerous still letting him live, for two whole years after Sephiroth’s win. But it was utter stupidity that they’d not yet thought to lock him out of Shinra’s records, that Sephiroth hadn’t considered or cared that Reno might try to steal information and monitor details. What game were they playing at?

Nonetheless, there they were – the Fairs, husband and wife, dead.

Except for Zack, when he should be. Except for Zack, when he _had been_ dead.

_Target Status: Alive._

He sat alone before the Cosmo Candle, staring into the flames as night swarmed in around him. Tifa had already returned to the Shildra Inn the moment it got dark, and in passing she mentioned she’d check on Cissnei for him, as she was not yet strong enough to travel, and her memory still suffered.

Would she remember Zack?

Would she remember the way her throat closed up and her voice died and her jaw clenched and clenched and _clenched?_ Would she remember whispering that she let him go when she shouldn’t have? Would she remember the way the guilt wrapped its arms around her and refused to let her go?

Reno’s eyes snapped shut, the fire still dancing behind his eyelids. The ringing in his ears grew louder – the song he had long adapted to, the sound that made him. He stuffed a laugh down his throat, feeling it shake within his rib cage.

What would he even _say_ if he saw him again?

He failed a good man. _I couldn’t save him,_ he said once.

He didn’t need saving _anyway._

_Target Status: Alive._

Little Marlene would tell him to be happy, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel joy. He was a Turk then and now, the last of their legacy – the iron mask of old had to hold. No matter the emotion or the cost. Besides, happiness in such a dark world made him feel sick.

Memories of Tifa’s cutting words that still stung him. _“I hate who you are.”_

“Not as much as me,” Reno smirked. A chuckle rattled from his ribs and out his throat.

Phone still in hand, he leant forward and began typing faster than he could ever remember. The letters and numbers and asterisks whirred across the screen. He still had full access – every password, every admin privilege, encrypted file the Turks had been privy to. If he had been of a better mind, Reno may have checked other files too – Rude’s, Tseng’s, Rufus’, Cloud’s, Barret’s, everyone else’s too – to see if they had the same result. The same error. The same defect.

But Reno was nothing if not absurdly single-minded.

_Admin Authorisation: Required._

If Rude were here, he would say: _stop._

“Well you’re not here, are you, partner?” he scoffed.

Reno was only a shadow of the Turks.

_Admin Access: Authorised._

Files unlocked, fields became editable, and he clicked and clicked and clicked. He combed over the file for details, trying to absorb what he could; his mind raged at him, the ringing sound whirling around. If Tifa were here and realised what he was doing, she would’ve torn the phone out of his hands. But she was not beside him, she of sceptic faith.

Tifa was only a shadow of Aerith.

The iron mask slipped slightly, as her voice rattled around the ringing, _“You’ve done a good job of convincing me that you were heartless, Reno, up until now. You do feel.”_

No. No. _No._

Can’t feel, won’t feel, not allowed, it can never _be_ allowed. The laugh erupted from his mouth.

_File: Unarchived._

He clicked and typed and saved and modified until there was something similar to satisfaction settling deep in his gut. He tried to imagine how Cloud would have reacted, if he were here – if he saw what Reno had been doing. If he would ever understand, or even try to. If they even thought the same – but there was no point wondering.

And Cloud, that _fucking_ Cloud, was only a shadow of Zack.

He was a goddamn ghost, and that’s where he should’ve remained.

_File: Updated._

No more heroes, only survivors.

The shakes coiled around his hands. The scales tipped once again.

_Target Status: Dead._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So he closed his eyes and decided that he would try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: …So I wasn't _meant_ to poke this again, but in the bowels of my tumblr, I found another Libra companion piece I wrote back in April 2014. I thought anyone who liked the story might like to see this old piece too. Set somewhere in the two years in between the second last chapter and the epilogue. Enjoy!
> 
> **Link to["Libra"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8721933/1/Libra)**

Reno may not have been halfway done or somewhere in between anymore, but there were so many days, _too many days_ where he felt like he was.

There were too many days where he would be _desperate_ to revert to the man he was. To go back to the days when he would seek out someone to kill just to get that stupid, _incessant_ noise in his head to stop, _stop, stop._ Where he wanted to use torture on those who tried to fight against Shinra just to know _why._

It would be so easy. Just to slip backwards. Just to take one, two, three steps away from the person he was trying to be.

It was only when Marlene was away that he would crack and feel the need to be that Turk from long ago. When it was just him and Cissnei, trying to come to grips with the kind of people they were, the people they were trying to become; when they were trying to understand each other. As she tried to remember. As he tried to forget. As they were allowed neither.

Reno decided that no, someone _cannot_ move on when they have seen and done so many terrible things.

Reno could not forget the way children would scream. He could not forget the way he would laugh through it all, because it really was, and even now still is, so very funny to him. He could not forget the thrill that would go through his body as he walked into missions, caring so little about his life. He could not forget the guilt that seared his being when he failed who had been a good man, perhaps the best he had ever known. He hoped Cissnei would never remember failing Zack like he did.

Of course, in time, she did, and it nearly ruined her.

He was a bad person. He saw it in the way the citizens would look him, even as he _tried_ to make amends for who he had been, for the company that had failed them all. He saw it in the way Cid _fought_ to look at him in the face, even though they had both changed and gone through so much, even though Reno had been generous to him. He saw it in the way he still longed, and would always long for Tifa; the way she would never visit him or look at him because she still longed, and would always long for Cloud. The shadow of Zack.

He felt it in the way he tried to be better. For her. For Marlene. And he felt it in his bones as he failed each and every time the moment she walked away to be with people who were more capable to look after her than he was. He felt it in his iron heart, bruised, beaten and broken simply because there was too much to fix.

He was a villain. He always would be. He could try to be good but he would always have the ringing, the laughing and the memories in his mind to remind him what was burned into his skin. He could fight to do right by so many people, but his hands would always shake, they would never truly be stable.

And as he checked the calendar, waiting for the day for Marlene to return, waiting for Cissnei to wake up and peel herself off of him, waiting for the tremors and the ringing and his insanity to _stop_ … He remembered. Villains don't get happy endings.

So he closed his eyes and decided that he would try again.


End file.
